Security Gone Mad 1 (2010)


Has anyone else encountered the increasing levels of paranoia there are in this country?  I am sure that the whole Terrorist threat thing has a part to play, because, as we all know – at any minute terror could strike.  Terror could be in your house, in your bins, lurking in a bag somewhere.  Where ever we look, terror might be.

Walk down your average street in average town and scenes like this are more common than not.  Strong and imposing security measures, that are often seemingly protecting nothing of any worth.  But, think again, “they” wouldn’t be lying to us, there must be something to be frightened of.

Personally, I live in constant fear of it.  Mind you, it’s not just the terrorists, I am also wildly scared of:

  • Teenagers (especially Hoodies)
  • Drug takers
  • People with no fixed abode
  • Paedophiles
  • Anyone with apposing religious views (which in my case means anyone with a religious view!)
  • Anyone who doesn’t agree with Cameron


I am sure all you lot in reader land are equally scared of these people.  Who wouldn’t be?  After all, the Media have told us what to be afraid of and when…so who are we to make our own informed decisions?

Of course, there is help at hand and I think you will all be VERY happy with this.  God bless the Home Office who have kindly dedicated a web-page to terror and devised a nifty series of threat levels, so we all know where we stand.  The threat levels are:

  • critical – an attack is expected imminently
  • severe – an attack is highly likely
  • substantial – an attack is a strong possibility
  • moderate – an attack is possible but not likely
  • low – an attack is unlikely

But how do I know what the threat level is?  I hear you chant in a terrified chorus.  Well, I am pleased you raised that, as God Bless them again, the Home Office have provided us with a website we can check these things.  So, please bookmark this page and check at least once a day so you know just how much of a threat you are currently living under:

As at today’s date, we are at SEVERE!!!  That’s right folks, we are not quite CRITICAL but definitely more than SUBSTANTIAL!  Be afraid and be alert.

Robert Frank - 'The Americans'


Now, this leads us nicely on to The Americans.  Nope, not The Americans by Robert Frank – one of the best photographic documentary projects ever conceived – but the actual real life Americans.

Homeland Security Threat Table

In America, they have a slightly different system.  It uses simpler words so even the most stupid can understand how likely they are to die AND it is colour coded.  This is clearly a bonus as it makes it sound more like Star Trek or some war film – enabling us to all get more excited and believe we too are living in an exciting movie world.

Not only that, but there website looks more impressive than ours AND there is a picture of Christopher.  A Special Agent in the Secret Service.  He stands proud in the top right of the website, shades on…looking manly and protective.  People like Christopher make me wish I was an American so could benefit from his protection.

If you would like to see the current threat level in America and see Christopher for yourselves, visit the link below:

In America, they have an Elevated or Yellow threat.  This seems unfair as they are at a lower threat level than we are in the UK – yet they are clearly more responsible for current world troubles!  perhaps its because of people like Christopher that they can keep their threat level lower!?!?


More importantly, we need to all stay alert and on top of things ourselves.  This means protecting your bins.

Security Gone Mad 2 (2010)

Has anyone else noticed the general bin paranoia that is sweeping urban conurbations the length of the country?  Bins are solidly branded with house numbers, some are chained to walls, others have special brick parking spaces for their bins to keep them safe and out of harms way.  many a person runs out after their rubbish or recycling has been taken to grab up their bins, boxes and lids and ensure that no terrorists, teenagers (especially Hoodies), drug takers, people with no fixed abode, paedophiles, Anyone with apposing religious views (which in my case means anyone with a religious view!), anyone who doesn’t agree with Cameron – come along and make trouble with their bins.

So, imagine my fear upon walking passed the back of Aldi the other day, to notice that their lovely, red, shiny Biffa Bin was in a very solid, lockable, metal cage of it’s own!  What can this mean?  Are bins the new weapon of choice?  Do Aldi throw away top secret documents into their bins?  Is their food so dangerous that once passed it’s sell by date it must be locked out of public reach?  These are all worrying questions , but one thing is for sure – we should all be locking our bins into cages.

BUT, you say, BUT…what about the blue bin?  Well readers, this is an interesting point.  One bin is clearly locked away and the other is out of the safety of the cage – taking it’s life in it’s own hands.  Oh that brave and reckless bin.  Sadly, I have no answer as to why one bin is so special and one is not.  The only theory I can offer you is that BLUE means cold, safe and harmless where are RED means BAD…DANGER…DEATH…WARNING.

Remember people – stay alert, stay vigilant, know your threat level and…and above all – lock up those bins.

Click to jump to a random post

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...